I can think of more fun things to do as an adult than this

I'm bigger than you so I go ahead of you, little asshole.

Police wouldn't give a shit about a dead fish

Five different life forms died here, you moron.

only a rat would want to be a pidgeon

I will prove to you how fucking stupid rats are

NY Subways suck my ass, but now there is wifi at least

I guess I'm too dumb to realize that barbeque'ing in the subway is a fire hazard.

This seems pretty violent for heaven

Why do you think we are standing around watching this jackass try to blindly smash an earth piñata?

i think the other customers would be disturbed by a fish at the bar

You're probably dreaming, you dumb fuck

That dood don't weigh shit

We can't stop in mid air.  What a fucking moron.

I wouldn't let a chef be involved in my medical decisions, if I were that cookie

I can give you medical advice, and the chefs can give you baking advice. 

The aliens got the dog and not a person. Burn

How did this species put its collar on?  They don't have thumbs.

You'd think the dude would realize he could just get up and walk off the sand

Why is that asswipe taking over our play area and smelling it up?

This looks dangerous for everyone

Please don't eat me, Mr. Bear.

How many animals would it take to make that giant hotdog?

My cholesterol is about to go through the roof

The shark probably can't see the paper, as his eyes are on the sides

Why are you two angry? I am the one out of my element.

Do you think he's just following some weird orders?

Don't you know how to read or write, idiot?

The other raindeer should be smiling too since they are being pulled instead of doing the heavy lifting

Santa's an idiot; don't let on that in every Christmas book we are the ones dragging the sleigh

I bet he never thought the doggie door would be used by a dangerous animal!

I know you don't understand me because you are an animal, but I need to vent because an alligator just walked into my house!

The tombstone for the dead asshole should be sad about the death, not smiling

That dead guy was obviously a dick.

Pool is fun, if you play for money

You are going to have a hard time using the pool cue if you insist on drinking your hot tea and holding your umbrella, idiot.

Another caption that defies gravity.

Not sure why you insisted on lying flat like that; it was much harder carrying you, dick.

Is the seahorse supposed to be just floating?

Your giant seahorse is going to die outside of water, you dick.