I can think of more fun things to do as an adult than this

I'm bigger than you so I go ahead of you, little asshole.

Police wouldn't give a shit about a dead fish

Five different life forms died here, you moron.

only a rat would want to be a pidgeon

I will prove to you how fucking stupid rats are

NY Subways suck my ass, but now there is wifi at least

I guess I'm too dumb to realize that barbeque'ing in the subway is a fire hazard.

This seems pretty violent for heaven

Why do you think we are standing around watching this jackass try to blindly smash an earth piñata?

i think the other customers would be disturbed by a fish at the bar

You're probably dreaming, you dumb fuck

That dood don't weigh shit

We can't stop in mid air.  What a fucking moron.

I wouldn't let a chef be involved in my medical decisions, if I were that cookie

I can give you medical advice, and the chefs can give you baking advice. 

The aliens got the dog and not a person. Burn

How did this species put its collar on?  They don't have thumbs.

You'd think the dude would realize he could just get up and walk off the sand

Why is that asswipe taking over our play area and smelling it up?

This looks dangerous for everyone

Please don't eat me, Mr. Bear.

How many animals would it take to make that giant hotdog?

My cholesterol is about to go through the roof

The shark probably can't see the paper, as his eyes are on the sides

Why are you two angry? I am the one out of my element.

Do you think he's just following some weird orders?

Don't you know how to read or write, idiot?

The other raindeer should be smiling too since they are being pulled instead of doing the heavy lifting

Santa's an idiot; don't let on that in every Christmas book we are the ones dragging the sleigh

I bet he never thought the doggie door would be used by a dangerous animal!

I know you don't understand me because you are an animal, but I need to vent because an alligator just walked into my house!

The tombstone for the dead asshole should be sad about the death, not smiling

That dead guy was obviously a dick.

Pool is fun, if you play for money

You are going to have a hard time using the pool cue if you insist on drinking your hot tea and holding your umbrella, idiot.

Another caption that defies gravity.

Not sure why you insisted on lying flat like that; it was much harder carrying you, dick.

Is the seahorse supposed to be just floating?

Your giant seahorse is going to die outside of water, you dick.

What causes gigantic precipitation?

Lookout!

I wonder if those window washers hate their jobs or are just happy to be employed?

We probably make a lot more money than those dicks staring at us

I call bullshit on the logic of this cartoon

We better have double-paned windows to keep the oxygen in

The puppy is so cute, while the men are so straggly

Your puppy is probably going to die in the upcoming battle, you dick.

How did the train fit through the door

I am sad because I don't have any hands to use to pick up my beer.

TYOu can tell how thirsty he is by his posture, and his general demeanor and hair length

Stop being dicks and staring at me and get me a lot of water, you dicks.

You can tell which one is the Lord by the beard and the bigger halo

Lord, you look comfy, but you are the lord so you probably are always comfy.  Not sure why I have a notepad in heaven however; maybe you can tell me since you are the Lord.

That dude couldn't take that rocket through the airport metal detectors these days

The rocket is ridiculously heavy, but you can't tell from my perfect posture.

How come he doesn't have frosting all over his tuxedo?

Surprise.

Caption contest guys love cavemen captions; they're a common theme

Ouch.  Fucking prehistoric animal.

One guy is scary and one guy is funny looking, but at least the funny looking guy has beers

Hi- I am a nice guy with an extra beer.  You can have it if you don't whack me with your scythe.

If I were a tree I wouldn't be happy stuck in the ground, like these trees

I am happy to see people in love with their arms around each other despite the fact I cannot basically move.

Deers indoors? Look out for tics!

My back hurts standing up like this, and I don't know why any of us care about animal crossing signs so much.

Not the usual UFO drawing

We might get sucked up into that vaccuum-spacecraft

Maybe the artist has limited skills in drawing men?

Hello?  How are you?  I am fine, except I am looking at a lot of identicial bald guys with mustaches and glasses.

Birds usually don't talk, unless they are parakeets.

Do you think that fucking moronic bird knows he's sitting on a hunter's gun?

That looks both painful and boring.

Isn't that outlawed?

God is real, apparently

I am the Lord, so I have access to everything, including sweaters.

Hey! Cats aren't Kings

Our cat is going to have back problems if we keep posing him like this.

Beached wales are not fodder for jokes

Dude you are crushing me and a tree, asshole.

She's the crazy one for talking to a banana

I know you claim to have psychological problems but usually I see human beings

Big umbrellas are funny apparently

This will keep us dry because it's an unusually large for me.

Where is his face?

I don't think you can testify if you don't have a mouth.